A question that has bugged me since I joined college.
I was very excited, like every other person I watched student of the year and channeled the inner Shanaya, there was so much drama which I won't go deep in because as much as I love oversharing, recently I was told I YAP ALOT so I reflected on that, now I'll be secretive about my life but not my opinions though, that is something I still love openly sharing✌🏻
College felt so automated, it felt like we were robots especially me because I joined a lot of clubs and committes and my life was a routine worse than a corporate slave, 9-5 college, 5-7 some or other work, 7-9 studying or hanging out with friends and then curfew hits and repeat the same thing tomorrow, I went out for a couple of days because I was new to the city but I stopped stepping out of my room in July and it ruined my mental health, I was anxious, I was stressed and I thought a lot, I was either crying too much or feeling numb, I was either sleeping too much or having insomnia and my relationship with food just got so much worse.
I was surviving barely.
Everyone told me I looked tired, I was doing too much, I was pushing myself too hard and despite all of it I was so strong for showing up everyday, but, was I?
Because everytime I went to bed I felt empty, empty seeing other people live while I was merely surviving, the thing is, it took me a lot of time to realise that my way of living was robotic and depressing and if it continued, I would be doomed to misery, I didn't want to live a miserable life, in 10 years when I look back at my current life I don't want to think, "Damn you know I worked too hard."
I want stories to tell, exciting stories, stories that would set a bad example(like bunking) because they were so fun.
So I started going out every weekend even though I was tired even though travelling cost me a lot, I would compromise on rest of the things so I could travel and it made me feel so alive, I felt like I was living again and I didn't even know all I had to do was get out of bed and pick a place and just go,
I went to lakes, parks, anywhere the road took me, I listened to my favourite music, I visited all the niche places for authentic food which raised my standards for dosa and I ran from the metro so I don't miss my curfew while coming back, I was tired, but I was living again,
because one weekend of Netflix in bed doesn't hurt but then it turns into months of bed rotting and feeling like the outside world is foreign.
I wrote this so you can reflect too, are you living or surviving?And if you are surviving this is your sign to start living ;)
